Skinny Puppy kicked much ass. I thought Chicago was better. More intense but then we were closer for this one which was cool. No drama. An unexpected and slightly uncomfortable short conversation with someone happened. Not sure what is "expected" of me as far as a reaction. Life is fucking bizarre sometimes.

Anyway, good show, good night...

Tomorrow we're going to Skinny Puppy. Yay. The show should be awesome. They we're awesome in Chicago. Here's hoping the evening goes well and "everyone" behaves. No drama. No bullshit. Let's have a nice evening people. Thanks please drive through.

Oh yeah the eldest spawn of Styk will be joining us as well. Kick ass.

Am I as screwed up as it seems I am at times? Perhaps my perception of how I really am is severely distorted. I don't think it is. I still think I'm pretty level headed. I think my problem is I am too analytical about life and people. I take everything and apply logic and reason rather than with emotion. It fucks me sometimes. Not that I don't feel....I do. Sometimes too much. Either way you get hurt I suppose. Better to get hurt trying than to never try at all or else it's all a waste. Easy to say, harder to do when you've been fucked over time and time again.

Learn. Accept. Move on. Keep trying. Improve. Cherish. Love.

Embrace the hand reaching out to you. Touch it. Feel it. Drown in the eyes that gaze upon you in wonder and amazement. Soar above all others hand in hand. Feel what should have always been. Fight back with tenderness rather than harmful words.

Escape. Understand. Compromise.

Swirl in the winds of life. Jump from a cliff trusting you'll be caught. It is not all bad. It is not all pain. This I know. This I want. This I need. I am not totally blind, this I know I have.

I have a tendancy to unplug the proverbial "emotional lamp" from the wall outlet and stumble in the dark. I wish to leave the light on. Behind door #3 is a world beyond anything I ever could have imagined. A treasure no monetary value could be placed. Every man's dream and it is mine. The path will alway's be difficult at times, but the reward at the end does not escape me. I won't let that happen.

Jeff's stone is in and I need to go see it soon before the weather get's shitty. I hear it's nice. Have to say hello to David while I'm there. Still unbelievable to me. I'm thinking I should see a doctor soon. Just because. Funny how mortality creeps up on you when people your close to or know are gone. Gets you thinking.

Just a guess but I'm not going to live forever. Still I'd rather not check out sooner than expected if you know what I mean.

A big shout out to an old friend and bandmate Werzel who just recently popped out of nowhere. Hopefully we'll get to hook up soon.

Later.

So I hear a "new" gothic website is in the works. Could have sworn we had one for two years. In fact I'm pretty sure we did. I heard no one used it. Could be wrong. I guess this one will be much better. Yeah...I bet it will be.

I for one cannot wait. This is exactly what this "community" has needed for sometime. I only wish I had a part in coming up with such a brilliant idea.

I sure miss people grounded in reality...they are a rare breed these days.

You know...there is so much I "could" say. But why fucking bother. Jeff has to be laughing his ass off about this one. Ooops...might be "speaking for the dead" again.

So life has been busy. New job with different hours. Been tired and sick. Haven't had much time to work on music. Have some idea's. Does it matter? Not really.

The "scene" is a joke. Nothing more than a grown up version of a high school clique. Who's cool, who's not. Who said what to whom and when, where, how, and why. I want nothing to do with that aspect of it any longer. It's a complete waste of time. Time most of us don't have but waste our energy on anyway. It's easy to get wrapped up in it when you actually do care about the music and events etc. But frankly the bullshit out weighs any of the benefits. I'm a musician. I'll play and write and do my thing. Everything else is a waste of time. There is more to life than anything this "scene" has to offer.

Yeah I know I'm an opinionated asshole. So what.