HAPPY HALLOWEEN! You all better get your asses out and DO something tonight. Styk says so.

Special Halloween wishes to Will Z, Jeff, Joe, Kate, Sasha, Mom, Thomas, Nyssa, Bret, Z, and Celina...Ich liebe dich!

Everyone have fun tonight...:)

Thanks to everyone that came out and supported us last night. It was a surprising turnout considering multiple events taking place. The band was in a rather light fun mood as well which made for a pleasant experience. Usually one or two of us is pissed or depressed or whatever hehe. But we all just lightened the hell up and had a great time. So thanks again. We hope to have some new material by the end of the year...perhaps a full length CD and then hopefully some live shows after the first of the year featuring new material. We are in much need of a break but we're looking forward to writing.

Incidently I must have been hit on at least three or four times last night by gay men. LOL...honestly it's flattering but what was the deal? Let me guess...gay men like super skinny goth guys too...*shrugs...oh well....I did look "fine"...:)
I think Jeron the bartender was trying to get me drunk and steal me from my Wife for the night. Hey I'll admit it...his make-up look damned good...hehe.





Later...

K...so were resting up today. No rehearsal. Tomorrow will be a long day\night but it better be fun dammit!. I would hope even people who wish to attend "other" events tommorrow would show up and support us as it WILL be our last show this year. Unless something big pops up at the Pageant or something were taking a break from live performance. I would rather not go into all the reasons but one would be we want to write and record new material. I want everyone to participate and Sasha and I would like to collaborate on lyrics and vocal parts. Something I have wanted to do for a very long time. I'm quite confident this line-up and the talent involved will produce some rather kick ass material and I'm actually looking forward to it in a positive manner.

So again tomorrow night at The Complex...last StykFaktor show of the year. Would be nice to see a decent crowd attend but I am skeptical...prove me wrong is all I can say. Hope to see you there...hope you have fun..hope the politics stay the fuck home.

Happy Halloween!....

Fuck it...I deleted my original post because once again...why fucking bother?

Feeling much better today. Christ I'm getting old. Oh well...unless your dead it tends to happen. Rehearsal was loose, fun & productive last night. I was dead tired but somewhere around 8:00PM I got my FIRST spurt of energy. hehehe. Work has been....nevermind.

Later..

I have a hangover...yay.

I need sleep.

Rehearsal tonight...needed but damned if I just don't have the energy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to my Brother!

That is all...

Well we think it was a cable problem at the last show so we should be ok for the next one. Did I mention this was easier when all I had to do was plug in a guitar or sing? I think I have. Hope people at least try and come for part of the show next Monday. We're going to try and have a little fun, so come on out.

Ever feel under appreciated? yeah?....Me too. Why even fucking try?...I'm beginning to wonder. Feel like a piece of shit again...That's Ok..I'm used to it.

A simple thanks would have made my day. Oh well why make MY day...that's no fun is it?

Oh just wondering, wishing, bewildered...don't mind me.

So we sounded awesome right up until the last song. Then BAM! I still don't know what the fuck happened, but we lost our backing tracks in the monitors. We fumbled our way through the best we could. Everyone pretty much had to go by my vocals to follow the song. And I had to sing going by what drums I could hear in the house mix. Needless to say the timing was off. Oh well..shit happens. Once again reminded of the pitfalls of performing Electronic music live...lol

Glow sounded great! I think Brooke may have not been used to the monitors or something to start off with, but she got on track and sounded great. Their new stuff sounds totally cool live.

Terminal Bliss was a great band and a bunch of nice guys in generals. Cool to hang out with. Unfortunately they suffered
at the hands of the dreaded "St.Louis doesn't give a shit" syndrome. I mean after Glow performed people just headed out the door. I'm sitting there like "What the fuck!". I swear not to be an asshole but come on people..these guys spent their vacation from their day jobs touring and trying to build support and interest. Then as soon as they hit the stage
people leave. It's fucking rude. Let's not forget to mention the attendance left something to be desired...as usual in St.Louis.

Don't even get me started on "the scene"...all of which SHOULD have been there. I swear somedays...nevermind.

Thank You to those that got off your ass and came to support local music. Thank You to those that actually stuck around to hear Terminal Bliss....at least you "get it".


Rehearsal tonight...oh investigative rehearsal I might add...lol...

Later..

I'm up. I'm still alive. I'm moving. Feeling lethargic but relaxed and ok. Time to get motivated. Time to pack up the van. Soon it will be time to ROCK...lol.

Anyway...hope to see a crowd tonight because it promises to be a cool show.



c'ya

Still feel a little wooky. Ok but not great. I expect I'll live. Gonna rest up a bit tonight. Relax, watch a movie or something with the Z-meister, drink some tea..I dunno. Nothing to major. See ya all at the Pageant tomorrow.

Heard some more "inside" stuff at the workplace. I need to get the fuck out of here. This place is going down and I would rather not get burned in the process. So if anyone knows where I can get a Network Admin, Web Design, or Computer tech position let me know. I am not MCSE Certified but hey..I've been doing this crap for 10 years.

So anyway...tonights a camp in front of the TV (which I rarely do) and chill with the boy kind of night...

Oh some CD labels got slightly hosed so CD's at the show will be $8.00 instead. I'm passing my savings on to you....see I can be nice if I want to.



c'ya

K...so my voice was raw as hell tonight. Why is it that 2-3 days before a show I feel like I'm getting a cold. I swear it's everytime. It's not like it's stress. The weather has been typical St.Louis screwy weather. Cold...then hot...then cold. I swear I never had so many colds and sinus problems until I moved from out West. Anyway...I'll live. It's more fun to play a show with crap draining from my sinus's...bleh.

I seem to have lost track of what the hell is going on in everyone's life around me...or that I care about anyway. Feeling a bit lost.

Kathi & Nyssa are still at the StaticX show. Not our thing but you do these things for your kids. I mean I guess it's ok music. Of course Pop's is nothing to write home about. Well in my opinion...never did like the atmosphere at that club. Perhaps it's changed since I last went.

It's raining like mad...

You know I have a million things I could write about...mostly personal schtuff. But...but...I don't know. I keep it in and it doesn't help. I let it out, it doesn't help. What's the difference. It would only come off as bitching and whining about things I can do very little about anyway.

I need a vacation.
I need money.
I need something to happen.
I need a warm smile.
I need to make a difference.
I need to survive.
I need hope.
I need love.
I need a break.


*sigh -

On October 31st way back when , my Grandparents got married on Halloween.

On November 1st a few years back, that same Grandmother died in her sleep. I like to think she was dreaming of her husband, my Grandfather who passed some years before her, on her Anniversary. They had that kind of bond.

On November 2nd a few years ago my Father died. He died bitter, lonely, and with much regret. I had only seen him once in the 10 years before. That's the Father I choose not to remember this time of year. Although it serves a purpose to do so. It reminds me he was a great man that took the wrong path in life and gave up on himself. He lost all hope. So in that sense I have to think of him, the way he was in the end. I do wish the "old" him was here right now though. I could use some of his strength and humor right about now. You know I'm not much for Cemetaries except they look creepy and cool. I should say burial in general. It's a waste of land. But damned if I don't want to get in my car and drive 15 hours to Colorado and sit by his grave. I know we don't need that to have memories. I just occasionally want to do that...and can't of course.

As one could imagine it's a happy\sad time of year for me. I LOVE Halloween. At any rate...just thinking of a few people tonight...those gone and those I still have in my life.

Later.

Rehearsal again tonight. All should go well. See ya all Saturday right? Right.

I was tired as hell after we got home last night. Then found myself having energy I thought I didn't have a little later on...;)

Find myself day dreaming alot lately. You know typical crap. Like when I win the Powerball, Rockstardom..lol, and other things I won't mention. I guess reality is sinking in today because frankly it's all highly unlikely to happen...period. ..duh.
But damn, is not having to struggle week to week and perhaps making a living by way of music somehow someway..too much to ask?

I had a whole rant about hope written...then I said fuck it. ...why bother.

Hope is something I need very much right now..yet it's also the last thing I need right now. As usual...screwed either way.

Gotta do some band promo stuff tonight after work. We will have some CD's for sale at the Pageant show. The Sparkle Fade EP. $10.00.

Then I'm going to go shopping for nothing special with the Wife. Just going to go. Cause we can and should and will and stuff.

Tonight I will win the Powerball and all financial worries shall cease to exist...well at least in my dreams anyway.

You know this was one of those days when I dropped off Z at daycare, and I wished I could have just kept on driving. Find a park or something and spend the whole day with him. Just me and him, at the park, grabbing lunch, whatever. Somedays I can't wait to kick his little butt out of the car, but for the most part I tend to get a bit depressed for a few minutes as I leave and he waves to me from the window. In fact he does everyday good mood or bad. It's one of few things that keeps me dealing with "the day job from hell". That little face.

Someday all my Kingdom will be yours...just wish I had a kingdom to pass on.

Rehearsal again tonight. At least the setlist is finalized.
Things have calmed down a bit in the evil spawn department.
I'm still broke. Makes me feel like a total loser. Fuck.
Lessee....Wednesday I should go to the Den for awhile.
Thursday rehearsal again.
Friday I have nothing on the Calendar.
Saturday...show at the Pageant.


Weird. A few days ago I felt very connected to a few close people.
Today I feel totally isolated from everyone. I don't get it.

*sigh...got to thinking about Christmas for some stupid reason.
I hate Christmas. Well the financial end of it anyway. We're fucked
now...can't wait 'till then.

Oh well. I gave up a long time ago.

*sigh....seemed like this whole day was like pulling teeth to accomplish anything. I was cranky. Had running around to do. Went to the "old gang" softball game\picnic. It never was my thing. It still isn't. I don't mind the catching up part...the softball I could do without. But I don't feel like I ever had anything in common with most of them and still don't. Except for Pat and maybe Lenny. But hey Kathi grew up with all of them so it's cool. Like my "old gang" would be any better.

The interview went ok with Lily. You would be surprised to know that I may be comfortable on stage but radio is something different for some reason. I dunno...felt weird. Wasn't nervous ...just...out of my element maybe. There was apparently a pause between the questions and my answers. As it turns out it was most likely caused by Lily and I sharing a microphone. No biggie to me. Her questions were fine...mostly the standard ones. I didn't mind. I was there to promote the upcoming shows and the band...so mission accomplish even if I sounded like an idiot.

Rehearsal was short tonight. Sasha was pooped out from work and performing at the Armageddon Ball. We dicked around trying to finalize the set for Saturday. Thankfully we finally decided just what exactly we're going to play. LOL I swear if we planned things better we wouldn't know what the hell to do. Vocals sounded ok...I just found myself wearing out rather quickly tonight. No biggie again for me. I could sing the set in my sleep.

So how about some random thoughts regarding today?...

I can't find the batteries I bought and that pisses me off.
I got something in my eye for about an hour today. That REALLY pissed me off.
Our washing machine broke. Yay more money I don't have.
Back to work tomorrow. Still the financial situation has not been discussed. Oh and I'm supposed to sign a non-compete contract. My attitude clearly reads FUCK YOU.
I don't DO sports yet I found myself wanting to play just to get some much needed exercise. oh well.
I'm tired...not sleepy just tired.
When does it get better? If ever there was a time...now would be it...thank you and please come again.
Someone..I think it was Will said something like "I think this is our year" awhile back. When? Is that the remainder of this year or 2004 cuz I'm SO beyond ready for it to be now. I suppose thats why it hasn't come. I'm looking for it. But you know what? The other way doesn't work either.
I am sick of worrying
My stress level is going up and my "comfort" level is going down. Would it be too much to ask to ENJOY life? Oh I forgot this is my life we're talking about.

screw it...I'm still cranky....later.

Had an interesting day...and not so much in a good way. Like thats anything new. I mean "in general". I'll spare you all the details...really I will this time.

Tomorrow is Armageddon Ball....weehoo. Real life shall cease to exist for us at least for the night. Might just have to get drunk and laid.

Sunday 5:00PM CST..thats Central Time..I will be on the radio. KWUR. Promoting StykFaktor, our upcoming shows and whatever else Lily wishes to talk about. Here's the link to listen online http://kwur.wustl.edu/.

Anyone want to hear our version of "Don't You Want Me Baby" at the Gothic Darkwave show at the Pageant on the 18th? I'm actually considering doing it just for the hell of it. I'm like that.

Ich liebe dich ....you know who you are.

Somethings in life just don't mean as much as they used to. Even the band with all the BS thats involved. Progress would change that sentiment, but alas. Toil....toil...

These days it's people..certain people that mean more than anything. Weird for me to think that but...but you know every year around late October early November I start to think about my own mortality. Perhaps because of my Father's death. And my Grandparent's. I love October. My Grandparent's were married on Halloween. My Father died in early November. So it is a bittersweet time of the year for me. I tend to think of them and I in turn often think of the people I care about more and how I want to just enjoy every minute I have with them. For tomorrow it may be over.

Here's a few people that will most likely mean the most to me in the coming month -


Nyssa
Bret
Z
Mom
Thomas
Jeff
Will Z
Sasha
Pat Mason



Long day at work...I fucked my back up....THAT is not cool considering it's shot to begin with. So I bid you goodnight....doubtful I'll sleep much but to lay down I must...

Later

Rehearsal tonight. Things "should" be ok. You just never know these days.

Why is it band-wise I don't have enough time to do what I need to do, yet I'm not making shit so I can't invest the time? How do I take time from other things when I know it needs done but I can't afford to do it?

Anyone want to advance us $50,000 ...LOL....Right

More politics and BS....Frankly I really don't care...I really don't. Attend whatever you wish to attend. If you can do both...more power to ya..see ya there. If not....we won't.

We will be playing at the Pageant also but it will be a stripped down set because three bands are playing. In other words were playing more material at the Complex show. So if that helps the decision..cool. After this we have one more show possibly in December, then my plan is to hit the studio. I want to play out more...but....nevermind....

Computer running...
First rehearsal - bugs worked out...
More politics...
I just want to PLAY...
Tired...
Day job tomorrow=Hell
Ever looming financial stress...
Flyer is done...main page, click and enjoy...


later

Someone please write to Creative Labs for me and tell them their drivers, software, and support suck ass. I mean the soundcards themselves are just fine but they can't seem to get a damn thing right in the driver department. I have tried 5 different sets of drivers for the Audigy card and I'll be damned if one of them works right. The only ones that come even close are made by KX Project a third party vendor. If I was to keep using them I would have to adjust volume levels on EVERY SONG file I have sitting on the computer. I don't have time for this shit. Why is it a 5 year old soundcard can process these sounds better than a brand new one? Will someone at Creative please answer that? I wasted $80.00 on a new card that doesn't do half the things I need it too nor half the things the OLD one did until I shorted out the speaker jack. I swear this shit was much easier when all I had to do was plug in a guitar or sing. Fuck.

Well we'll still be able to rehearse for the next show, but I'll need to find another card within the next week to rehearse for the show at the Complex. Dammit does anything EVER go right?

On a side note the new computer kicks ass...at least what I've been able to do on it.